EMO Monster Strikes!

Officially on Friday the 2^nd of February, I left rhema. They are terminating us temporary teachers as it’s time for us to let go off those lil’ fingers and let them be independent. Im not blaming the management or anything is just that im going to miss each and everyone there. My colleagues are helpful and friendly and..we are all friends now. All the teachers were nice n friendly too even those from other classes. Some gave me a hug before I left on Friday and some wished me the best. I think it’s because they make u feel comfortable around them and makes u feel a part of them makes it even harder to say goodbye. On my 1^st day, I came to learn that they have praise n worship every morning before the children comes. During my first time joining them, while singing ‘Shout to The Lord’, it suddenly struck me. I knew that I was there for a reason and God has made this plan for me. Ever since I left secondary school and ISCF, I no longer attend praise n worship fellowship as my church is more traditional and I don’t want to go to youth rallies alone! Thus, I only attend church service every Sunday and that’s about all it is. I guessed I have lost the ‘touch’ of worshipping in a more charismatic way and maybe am slowly straying away as well. But...had been constantly praying to Him to let me find the ‘touch’ again. Yes…He answered my prayer. God is great and works mysteriously.

Today, Monday, we hav to go back to return their t-shirts and I purposely picked to go back during their break time so that I could see all my babies and Teacher Pat, my cls teacher also asked me to drop by when I come in on Mon. As I made my way to the cls, I was excited as I could hear familiar voices shouting and a familiar figure standing outside the class caught my eye. It was Kelvin. As usual, he likes to sneak out of the cls and loiters around the corridor. I knocked on the door and entered and the children came running to me. Owhh…that kinda feeling..i just miss it! Tugging my pants as usual, as that was the only thing they could reach and holding my hands. Went to talk to Teacher Pat and Teacher Paula (her assistant) and I learnt that one boy, Darinsen cried today when the teachers told all of them that me n my colleague are no more with them. This boy has never cried before, not even during the first day of sch. How touching yet sweet~ My children are….hyper, very naughty and do not listen. Even the gals are as hard to control as the boys except a few of them. Jasmine and Amanda, are always attached to me, always wanting to hold my hand when we go to the washroom or wanting me to sit with them when the teacher is teaching. Sweet…! Each would hold one side of my hand everyday and would sometime cry when they saw other children holding my hands. When other children hugged me, they would they would try to squeeze their way through or if they fail to do so, their eyes would start to turn watery and u know wad happens…with them, I just feel so… loved. *hiaks...i know, typical lil’ children aite? I shouldn’t think too much. Today, as they were lining up to go to the washroom, Jasmine grabbed my hand and wanted me to take her there. I told her to follow her friends or the teachers but she just kept holding onto my hand…(sigh) I miss her. I miss carrying her every morning as this gal would cry every morning when her mom sends her and I would take her n comfort her till she stops. As for Amanda, she became attached to me because I took care of her when she was sick. Very much like Jasmine too except she gives me a hug everyday before she goes home. I can always visit her when I miss her because she stays a few houses away from me and my dad knows her grandma. *Tee-hee* Before I left, I gave my 2 teachers a hug and my cls teacher gave me a lil’ present. I rejected it but she insisted that I take it. How sweet..! The teacher told the children to give me a hug before a left. I felt so touched that my eyes were staring to get watery. But….I controlled myself. I don’t want to make them cry. . I know I sounded silly and too emo but I cant help it. As I walked leaving the building to my car, my steps seemed slower compared to when I came in earlier on. I felt heavy inside as my eyes kept looking around the place I once never thought would be hard to forget. I know that I would still have to go one wid my daily life and hu knows…if it’s fated I would see my babies, the teachers and my colleagues again. I recalled wad Ena has told me when she left her kids as well. She told me she was crying while driving all the way home. Well, I didn’t cry but felt the emptiness in me. Now, I do not how to spend my mornings and believe me or not…I don’t really know how to wake up late anymore. I could sleep til noon last time but now I cant anymore. Kinda gotten use to waking up early and sleeping early. Nowadays, I wud Feel tired around 10 smth...Shucks!

Truth is, I miss all of my darlings. I miss their hands holding mine, I miss them tugging my pants, I miss their laughter and cries and most of all…I miss being with them..!I know I sounded like Im contradicting myself as I once told most of u that they were hard to control, it’s tiring as I had to wake up early and can be busy as well at times. That was all before I started to love them. After a week, I was actually looking forward to go to work. Waking up early and having a tiring day just doesn’t seem to matter anymore. Just by looking at them or being with them just somehow or rather made your day or jus satisfies u. Well, I guess when u loved someone or liked someone so much, you can just bypass the hardship that comes with it and just by being with them means a lot to you. And saying goodbye…nah, has never come so easy for me.

I know this entry is long and crappy but just wanna get it out me. I have some pics of them but will post it when I sort some things out first.

Hugs & kisses

~me